GOP: Grand Old Poppycock

 

Oh, if only George Carlin were alive and well today. We miss his humor. He’d have more than enough material to write a new show monthly, often enough daily.  Recall his routine, Seven dirty words you can’t say on TV.

I love words. I thank you for hearing my words. I want to tell you something about words that I uh, I think is important . . . they’re my work, they’re my play, they’re my passion. Words are all we have really. The heavy seven are the ones that will infect your soul, curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war.

It was with Carlin’s words in mind that I repeat some of the best Poppycock around  .  It just so happens they’re all Republicans.  I am sure you can find a few Democrats who have said really stupid things over time, but neither with the frequency nor the rage of those of the Grand Old Poppycock.

The number of crazy and/or dumb things Republicans say continues to grow at an alarming rate.  Admittedly, it is a small sample space. But given that there is a rather finite number of GOPs, the count and tone are alarming.  More telling is the trend line.  These days the the frequency of cases of Republican verbal diarrhea is as regular as those of us on high fiber bran diets.

 

Poppycock #1:

Begin with Congressman John Sullivan (Oklahoma). He professes that he may have to shoot a couple of his colleagues to get anything done in Congress.  He should look forward to hearing from Carolyn McCarthy and Gabby Giffords on this one.

Rep. Sullivan has acknowledged using a poor choice of words when he suggested that shooting a couple of Democratic senators would get their attention so as to pass a budget.

I’d love to get them to vote for (the budget). Boy, I’d love that, you know. But other than me going over there with a gun and pointing it to their head and maybe killing a couple of  ’em,  I don’t think they’re going to listen unless they get beat.

 Little wonder that Sullivan’s spokesman jumped in:

The congressman was speaking off the cuff and sincerely apologized for his remarks. He went on that Sullivan had spoken during the event about the importance of civility in Washington. He offers his sincere apologies to anyone he offended and for using a poor choice of words to make his point. (Well, okay. Now I’m feeling a whole lot better about the guy.)

Poppycock #2:

 Remember Congressman Joe Wilson?  He’s the idiot, racist Republican congressman from South Carolina who gestured toward President Obama and shouted out, You lie!, during the president’s health care address.  But I guess that’s okay because, like Sullivan, Wilson subsequently apologized for his poppycock:

I let my emotions get the best of me when listening to the President’s remarks regarding the coverage of illegal immigrants in the health care bill. While I disagree with the President’s statement, my comments were inappropriate and regrettable. I extend sincere apologies to the President for this lack of civility. (Yeah, right)

Now let’s give credit where credit is due.  Wilson performed in front of a national audience during the President’s address to Congress witnessed by tens of millions of Americans.  Sullivan limited the damage, speaking to a relatively small group at a town hall meeting.  He was unaware that cameras were rolling? What’s the odds on that?

 

Poppycock #3:

Not so far behind is Rick Santorum who this week faulted President Obama for wanting to send greater numbers of American children to college. Santorum’s logic?, People go to college to learn to grow, to analyze, and to question the world, potentially jeopardizing one’s dogmatic adherence to faith.

I understand why Barack Obama wants to send every kid to college, because of their indoctrination mills, absolutely. The indoctrination that is going on at the university level is a harm to our country. 

Perhaps had the GI bill not sent millions of returning GIs to college following WWII the past generations would have been so much better off?

 

Poppycock #4:

Talk about sucking up! Romney campaigns on his like for the height of the trees in Michigan (must-see video link below).  This guy is really hurting for material. Who is writing his speeches?  My thinking is that he prefers the height of the freshly mown grass at his country club(s).  Come fall that’s where he’ll be spending a lot of his time.

I love this state. The trees are the right height.

 Naturally this led me to ponder what Romney liked so much about the height of trees in Michigan. So I looked it up. Jot this stuff down for future reference because platforms, after all, are made of trees.

• There are 14 billion trees in Michigan.(note: To put this number is proper perspective there are 24,000 trees in Central Park, including 1,700 American elms.  There are roughly 1,200,000,000 trees in the United States.)
• The largest tree in Michigan is a black willow in Grand Traverse County, a 179 foot red maple in St. Clair County. (note:The tallest living redwood on record stands at 379 feet–64 feet taller than the Statue of Liberty. I’ve no idea what the shortest tree might be in Michigan or anywhere else).
• The former record-holder, a 201-foot white pine in Marquette County, recently died.(note: One would have to think the Romneys had sent a condolence card)
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Poppycock #5:

Newt Gingrich says he owns the solution (uh, snake oil) to the current hike in international gas prices.  Like Nixon’s secret promise to bring an end to the war in Viet Nam, this will remain Newt’s and Calista’s personal secret until he’s elected. Hence, he need not worry about ever having to divulge his secret program.

I’ve developed a program for American energy so no future president will ever bow to a Saudi king again and so every American can look forward to $2.50 a gallon gasoline.

Politicians can do little if anything to influence the price of gasoline in the short-term. Long-run efforts are likely to be complicated by the global nature of the crude oil market.

 Why would someone even think of saying that he can cut the price of gasoline to $2.50 per gallon when he knows it’s an international problem with the worst damage caused by oil speculators? The answer–Because he was on TV, has nothing better to offer, and actually believes that his secret program would get him elected president.

Let’s cut Newt some slack.  Actually, he has a lot on his mind.  Recall he attributed his serial divorces to the unbearable stress brought on by his exhaustion from serving as a speaker, lobbyist, and crook.

 

 Poppycock #6:

That brings us back to Romney once again (direct application of the equal time rule). Poor chap. He should, by now, know better than to speak without having memorized what his tutors have taught him.

            Short and sweet: Let Detroit go bankrupt.

Par for the course. After all, what he brings to government is great business experience in doing just that with lots of companies.  Consider these numbers:

1…the rank (by total sales) of General Motors among all automakers in the world, a title it had lost to Toyota three years ago but regained in 2011.

3…the number of shifts per day that many U.S. auto plants are working as automakers add third shifts to keep up with growing demand.

7…the number of years since all three U.S. automakers turned a profit at the same time.

624,400…the number of workers in the auto industry when it hit its lowest point in June of 2009.

746,300…the number of workers in the auto industry as of last month.

1,300,000…the number of Americans who would’ve lost their jobs if we had let Detroit go bankrupt.

Poppycock #7:

 Back to Santorum (equal time).  Carlin would have absolutely loved this guy. He’d have hired him as a writer if he would only say the nasty nasty.  Can you imagine Santorum’s reaction had George whispered any one of those seven words in his ear?  Here’s a lament that Santorum lectured about recently:

Is there such a thing as a liberal Christian? The answer is ‘no’. I don’t think there is such a thing.  You’re a liberal something but not a Christian.  That’s how I look at it.

Santorum is running for pope, not president.  He has great difficulty with the concept of separation of church and state.  Unfortunately, he represents a great (growing?) number of Americans who as social conservatives believe that America has strayed too far from God’s law.

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 Perhaps you may think I am being unfair to this cast of characters.  Well, don’t go by me.  Take the words of Republican (2016 contender) Jeb Bush who finds the rhetoric in the GOP presidential debates a little troubling (as reported by Fox News):

I used to be a conservative and I watch these debates and I’m wondering, I don’t think I’ve changed, but it’s a little troubling sometimes when people are appealing to people’s fears and emotions rather than trying to get them to look over the horizon for a broader perspective and that’s kind of where we are, I think it changes when we get to the general election. I hope.

On behalf of George Carlin I am taking this opportunity to thank the Republicans contributors for their generosity.  He’s want it that way.

George leaves a rich legacy, much of which applies to the Grand Old Poppycock party.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. 

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

RIP: George Carlin passed away in 2008. What opportunities he’s been missing.

Add your poppycock here

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No sooner than I had finished writing the above piece than Chris Matthews stole the show. If you missed this Sunday morning, click below.

His take-off on the movie trailer is eloquent.  Romney would be better off as a silent movie start.

Much like the perfect silent picture star whose career was thwarted by the emergence of sound in cinema, Mitt Romney has stumbled when he’s had to open his mouth..

Take-off on Trailer for The Artist  (by the way I enjoyed the movie).